We stare intensely at the horizon for hours, allowing the universe's secrets to seep into our souls.
Side effects: Temporal lobe seizures, existential dread.
Read more about our patented Eye-Gazing TechniqueWe simply declare our findings to be true, without evidence or justification, and expect the world to conform.
Side effects: Social ostracism, public ridicule.
Learn from our illustrious history of Unquestioning CertaintyWe take a few unrelated facts, add some creative embellishments, and... voilà! We have a theory.
Side effects: Unfounded excitement, disappointed peers.
Discover the intricacies of our patented Speculative ScienceWe say things that are the opposite of what we mean, but really, we're just trying to be profound.
Side effects: Confused onlookers, bruised egos.
Uncover the subtleties of our Sarcasm and Self-Righteousness