Astrological Weather Forecast

Welcome to the Astrological Weather Forecast, where we use ancient, completely-not-made-up methods of gazing at the stars to predict your doom.

Today, the forecast looks like this:

• Mercury is in retrograde, so don't expect any progress or productivity. Maybe just stay in bed.
• Jupiter is squaring the moon, which means your luck is about to take a turn for the worse.
• The sun is in Scorpio, so be prepared for an afternoon of existential dread.

But don't just take our word for it! Check out our eclipse season forecast for more details on the impending doom that is to come.

And don't forget to follow us on our subscribe to our apocalypse for regular updates on the end times.

Or, if you're feeling optimistic, you can try our optimistic outlook page, where we'll try to spin the worst news into something vaguely positive.

Stay doomed, folks!