Welcome, gullible masses, to Prophets of Doom - Astrology! Where we predict your doom with 99.9% certainty!
Our team of expert astrologers (a bunch of dudes with some beads and a crystal ball)
will guide you through the ancient art of reading the stars, planets, and your aunt's horoscope.
Don't be a skeptic! Our astrologers have been wrong 100% of the time, but that's just statistics!
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• When the apocalypse is coming
• Who you'll marry next Tuesday
• Which pizza topping is secretly controlling the world's destiny