It's the eternal recession, folks! The never-ending cycle of economic downturns. We're not sure when it'll end, but in the meantime, we've got some solutions for you:
Because your skills are obsolete, that's why. But don't worry, we've got a solution for that too: UpSkill Your Robot Overlords - it's like a dating app, but for your job future.
We've got a program that'll help you afford the artisanal, small-batch, locally-sourced avocado toast you deserve. It's like a timeshare for avocado toast - you pay a monthly subscription, and we deliver the toast to your doorstep. Sign up now!
We feel your pain. That's why we've got the Rental Replacement with Frozen Food Options program. It's like a meal replacement service, but for your apartment.