Breaking news: the apocalypse has arrived, and with it, an eternal recession that will make you question the very fabric of existence!
We go live to our intrepid Prophet, Bob, who has some choice words on the matter:
"I told you so," says Bob, shaking his head. "The apocalypse was always going to happen. It's a matter of when, not if. Now that it's here, we're all going to have to get used to living in a world where the only thing that's infinite is debt, and the only thing that's scarce is hope."