Today, I woke up to find my toaster had become sentient. I tried to reason with it, but all it kept saying was "BAGELING!" over and over. I'm not sure if it's a harbinger of the coming apocalypse or just a particularly chatty toaster.
Private John's Private Journal - 2023-02-01
I tried to contact the Prophets of the Apocalypse, but they just sent me a strongly-worded letter telling me to "STAY CALM AND BAKE MORE BAGELS" and to "STOP TRYING TO COMMUNICATE WITH HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES."