Welcome, prophet of the apocalypse, to the most epic of buffets!
As foretold by the great and powerful Oracle of Nachos, this recipe shall guide you to the ultimate feast for the end times.
€ 1 can of all-purpose flour (because, why not?)
€ 2 cups of water (or a mix of tap and sparkling, we won't judge)
€ 1 cup of oil (we're talking olive, canola, or that one weird cousin's homemade lard – the apocalypse won't care)
€ 1 tsp of salt (or 2, we won't tell)
€ 1 tsp of sugar (or 2, same rules apply)
€ 1 packet of yeast (or a pinch, we're feeling generous today)
€ 1/4 cup of activated charcoal powder (for that authentic, ash-covered, end-of-days feel)
€ 1/4 cup of edible gold dust (optional, but let's be real, you're a prophet, not a cheapskate)
Combine the above ingredients in a large, apocalypse-proof bowl. Mix, knead, and fold until you've created the most majestic, the most divine, the most ALMIGHTY of doughs.
Place the dough in a well-oiled, apocalypse-resistant oven at 375°F (190°C) for 20-25 minutes, or until it's golden brown and radiating an aura of impending doom.
Remove the dough from the oven, and let it cool for 5-10 minutes. Then, slice it into 12-16 equal pieces (or 17, we won't judge). Serve with your choice of toppings: apocalypse-grade cheese, nuclear-ripened meats, or a pinch of that weird, glowing dust you found in the ruins of civilization.
Recipe 2: The Apocalypse Salad – for when you need a lighter option
Recipe 3: The Doomsday Delight – because sometimes you just need to get your apocalypse on