Welcome to the eternal recession of technology, where innovation has come to a grinding halt. Our servers are down, our algorithms are broken, and our users are lost in a sea of error messages.
But don't worry, we're not all doom and gloom! Our team of highly skilled (and highly caffeinated) engineers are working overtime to get things up and running again. In the meantime, why not take a look at our latest line of overpriced, underperforming products?
Or, if you're feeling particularly masochistic, you could always try your hand at our techno-support hotline. Just don't say we didn't warn you...
Our team of highly skilled (and highly overpaid) consultants have come up with a range of innovative solutions to problems that don't actually exist. Because who needs actual functionality, right?