To the esteemed Editor of the Apocalypse Times, I, John Doe, Last Prophet of the Apocalypse, am writing to express my deep concern about the impending doom that is upon us. The sky is indeed falling, and not just because of a few pesky birds. No, no, my friends, it's much worse than that.
As you may be aware, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Doomsday, Destruction, Chaos, and Despair) have been spotted in the vicinity of the local diner, enjoying a plate of nachos and a side of fries. Their presence has sent shivers down the spines of all who dwell nearby.
In light of this new development, I implore you to take immediate action. We must band together to face this impending doom head-on. Or perhaps, I should say, face the impending doom from a safe distance, with our faces buried deep within the safety of our underground bunkers.
I propose we establish a new department of the Apocalypse Times: the Department of Prophetic Affairs (DPA). The DPA will be responsible for monitoring the skies, reporting any suspicious activity, and providing guidance on the best ways to avoid being trampled by the Four Horsemen.
I eagerly await your response to this pressing matter. If you have any questions or concerns, please don't hesitate to reach out. Or, if you're feeling brave, you can always come visit me at my underground bunker. I'll be the one with the "I'm a prophet, hear me roar" sign on the door.
Stay vigilant, friends. The sky is indeed falling.
"The end is near, and it's not just a metaphor." -John Doe, Last Prophet of the Apocalypse