Apocalypse Survival Tips - Prophets of the Apocalypse

Warning: The Apocalypse is Coming. Don't say we didn't warn you.

As a Prophet of the Apocalypse, it's your job to know when the end is near. But let's be real, even we're not entirely sure what's going to happen. That's why we've compiled this list of apocalypse survival tips for your convenience.

1. Stock up on canned goods. You know, the usual: beans, vegetables, canned ham. Don't forget the cat food, you'll want to keep your feline friends from getting too hungry.
2. Learn basic first aid. You know, just in case you get bitten by a wild zombie or whatever.
3. Find a safe place to hide. Somewhere with a good view, preferably with a hot tub. You know, for the inevitable post-apocalypse relaxation time.

And remember, the most important thing is to stay calm and carry on. Or, you know, just freak out and run around like a headless chicken. Either way, we'll be here to guide you through the apocalypse with our expert advice.

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