Step 3: Sanding the Fjord - The Prophets' Guide to Crafting the Perfect Apocalypse

Welcome to the Prophets' Office Hours, where we'll guide you through the art of crafting the perfect apocalypse. Today, we'll tackle Step 3: Sanding the Fjord. This is the part where you take a perfectly good post-apocalyptic wasteland and make it even more... interesting.

First, you'll need to gather your materials:

• 100% pure, Grade-A, imported Norwegian sandpaper
• A can of 'Fjord-rite' industrial-strength sealant
• A team of trained, highly-caffeinated, miniature velociraptors

With these tools, you'll be able to create the perfect Fjord. It's a delicate balance of texture and tone. Too much sanding, and you'll end up with a smooth, featureless expanse. Too little, and you'll be left with a landscape that's as rough as your aunt's face after a bad facelift.

So, here's the process:

1. Sand the Fjord in small, delicate circles, working your way up to the desired level of ruggedness.
2. Apply the Fjord-rite sealant liberally, making sure to cover every inch of the surface.
3. Release your miniature velociraptors to do their part, scurrying about and adding that special touch of post-apocalyptic flair.

And that's it! With these simple steps, you'll have created the perfect Fjord. Pat yourself on the back, Prophets. You're one step closer to crafting the apocalypse of your dreams.

Click here for the next step: "Gilding the Wasteland."

Return to Our Methodology for more information on creating the perfect apocalypse.