Ancient Greek god of the sky and king of the gods. He's got a good grasp of the universe, but let's be real, that's a lot to keep up with.
French seer of the 16th century. He's got the gift of prophecy, but his writing style is straight out of a 19th century novel.
A modern-day prophet of bacon and minimal government intervention. His visions of a pork-filled utopia are almost as terrifying as his mustache.
A mysterious figure from a dystopian future. Their prophecies are shrouded in mystery, but their ability to predict the end of the world is unmatched.
King of ancient Sparta. He's got a thing or two about battle strategy, but his beard is more impressive than his prophecies.
Older, grumpier version of Ron Swanson. He's got a few more years of bacon-filled experience, but his prophecies are more about complaining about kids these days.