Today's Prophecies:
The coffee machine will spit out 3 consecutive shots of espresso at 8:03 AM, causing a 10-minute delay in the morning commute.
The conference room will be infested with 17 rogue staplers that will not be stopped until the end of the week.
The CEO will make an unexpected appearance at 9:15 AM, demanding to know why the copier is not working.
Also, today's special announcement:
The Robot Uprising Scheduled for Wednesday
Secret Meeting Schedule Revealed
Stay vigilant, mortals.
—The Prophets