Prophet's Guide to End-of-World Predictions
Based on our advanced calculations, we have identified the following key events:
We predict that a global shortage of artisanal cheeses will lead to widespread panic and eventual collapse of societal structures.
Our team has foreseen the invention of puzzles so complex, so confounding, that humanity will become trapped in an endless loop of frustration and despair.
Our calculations indicate that the world will succumb to an unstoppable tide of fluffy, soft toys, leading to a global obsession with collecting and hoarding plushies.
We use a combination of ancient prophecy techniques, advanced algorithms, and liberal doses of caffeine to arrive at our predictions.