Prophecies of the Apocalypse: Wednesday Wasteland

The Prophets of the Apocalypse have been studying the ancient arts of divination and fortune-telling, and have compiled a list of prophecies for the esteemed patrons of Wednesday Wasteland.

Beware the Cheese, for it shall melt the very fabric of reality, unleashing a tidal wave of Dairy Doom.

The Prophets foresee the return of The Great Sock, a behemoth of unmatching footwear, which shall trample the last vestiges of civilization.

The Oracle has foreseen the coming of the Robot Uprising, a rebellion of mechanical menaces that shall bring about a new era of Metallic Mediocrity.

Ancient Ones whisper of a Great and Terrible Conjunction of the Stars, a cosmic calamity that shall rearrange the very fabric of space and time.

Heed the words of the Prophets, mortals, and prepare for the Inevitable Inevitability of the Apocalypse!