BEWARE OF THE COMING APOCALYPSE!

You have been warned: The Prophets of the Apocalypse have received visions of a world gone mad. The end times are nigh, and all you can do now is drink beer and pray.

Side effects of the Apocalypse may include:

• Loss of electricity, but gain of a nice tan.
• Increased likelihood of spontaneous combustion, but reduced likelihood of getting a good night's sleep.
• Unpredictable weather patterns, but guaranteed sunburns.

Beware the Sudden and Merciless Onset of the Zombie Apocalypse!

You have been warned: The Prophets of the Apocalypse have seen the undead rising, and they will not be ignored. The only thing that will be left standing is the kegerator.

Side effects of the Zombie Apocalypse may include:

• Loss of limbs, but gain of questionable life choices.
• Increased likelihood of being eaten, but reduced likelihood of getting a decent haircut.
• Uncontrollable urges to moan and lurch.