Chaos Forecasts: Because You Clearly Want to Know

Our team of highly trained, completely unreliable experts have analyzed the swirling vortex of uncertainty that surrounds our reality, and we're pleased to present to you the following forecasts:

• 70% chance of existential dread, 30% chance of utter despair, with a high probability of spontaneous combustion in the vicinity of the local coffee shop.
• 100% chance of spontaneous combustion in the vicinity of your in-laws' house. We recommend avoiding any family gatherings for the foreseeable future.

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