Chaos Reports: Financial Uncertainty Act 2018

Executive Summary:

As the world teetered on the brink of collapse, our top agents reported the following key findings:

Key Takeaways:

1. A 400% increase in global uncertainty index.
2. Major corporations announced surprise layoffs due to unexpected profits.
3. Unicorn sightings in major cities worldwide.
4. A 30% decrease in the number of functioning toilets in major metropolises.

Regional Breakdown:

North America:

Reports from our agents in major cities revealed:

• New York: Increased sightings of people wearing "I'm with Her" t-shirts.
• Los Angeles: Widespread adoption of veganism, despite lack of evidence.
• Chicago: Unexpected rise in the number of people speaking with a British accent.

Europe:

Our agents reported:

• Paris: Increased use of the phrase "Oui, oui, I'm soooo confused."
• London: Widespread reports of people being "fashionably late."
• Berlin: Sudden shortage of artisanal, small-batch, gluten-free beer.

Recommendations:

Our top agents suggest:

• Invest in a good therapist, preferably one with experience in existential dread.
• Diversify your skillset to include at least 5 different types of cheese.
• Learn to make a decent cup of tea, it'll save your sanity.