Secret Recipes for Doomsday Bread

Because, let's face it, the apocalypse is coming. You'd better be prepared.

Recipe 1: The Classic Nuclear-Proof Raisin Bran Muffin

Ingredients:

• 2 cups of radioactive oatmeal
• 1/2 cup of toxic waste (just kidding, it's just diesel fuel)
• 1/4 cup of irradiated raisins
• 1/8 teaspoon of nuclear-grade yeast (patent pending)

Instructions:

1. Mix the radioactive oatmeal, diesel fuel, and raisins in a pan.
2. Add the nuclear-grade yeast, and stir clockwise while whispering 'May the odds be ever in our favor.'
3. Bake in a 4.2-meter diameter microwave oven at 400°C for exactly 17.5 seconds.

Side effects may include:

• Increased radiation poisoning
• Severe stomach cramps
• Uncontrollable urges to sing 'I Will Survive' in the shower

Go back to the recipe book

Recipe 2: The Post-Apocalyptic Pemmican

Ingredients:

• 1 cup of rendered fat from the last remaining beef jerky vendor
• 1/2 cup of powdered sugar (harvested from the last remaining candy cane forest)
• 1/4 cup of crushed up rocks (patent pending)

Instructions:

1. Combine the rendered fat, powdered sugar, and crushed up rocks in a bowl.
2. Stir clockwise while reciting 'I'm a little tea pot'
3. Serve in a 5-gallon bucket with a side of existential dread.

Side effects may include:

• Increased risk of aneurysms
• Uncontrollable urges to reenact 'The NeverEnding Story' in your head

Go to post-apocalyptic snack foods