As a revered Economic Elder, I have mastered the art of predicting the unpredictable. My crystal ball is always filled with an uncanny glow, allowing me to see into the very fabric of the economy.
Whether you need guidance on investments, market trends, or simply want to know when to buy more lottery tickets, I'm here to help.
My services include:
- Market Mystic - I'll tell you exactly when the market will crash (or not).
- Portfolio Pundit - I'll advise on the optimal asset allocation for your retirement fund (or not).
- Future Forecaster - I'll predict the exact date of the next recession (or not).
- Financial Fortune Teller - I'll reveal your exact lottery numbers (for a small fee).