Welcome, mortals, to the Prophets' most dire announcement yet. The apocalypse is nigh, and we've got just the thing for you: Duct-Tape Armor, the most unconvincing yet somehow effective defense against the coming doom.
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But don't just take our word for it! Here's what some of our satisfied customers have to say:
Don't miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Stock up on Duct-Tape Armor today, and be prepared for the end of the world as we know it.