What to Do If You See a Zombie

Well, this is it. The end times are upon us. And, let's be real, it's probably because of the nacho cheese incident of 2023. Anyway, if you see a zombie, here's what you do:

Step 1: Panic.

• Run around in circles while yelling, "I'm not a zombie, I'm a person with a pulse!"

Step 2: Find a safe place to hide, preferably with a good supply of nacho cheese.

• Check the fridge, the pantry, and the snack cabinet. If all else fails, make a break for the nearest Taco Bell.

Step 3: Call the Prophets' hotline.

• Dial the number 1-800-PROPHETS, and pray they answer. If they don't, try 1-800-OTHER-GUY, but let's be real, that's just the automated voicemail system.

Step 4: Prepare for the worst.

• Grab a few emergency supplies: a baseball bat, a fire extinguisher, and a copy of "The Art of War" by Sun Tzu. Because, let's face it, you're going to need to be strategic about your survival.

That's it. That's the entirety of our guide. If you have any other pressing questions, like "What to do if you get bored during the apocalypse?" or "Can I still get Netflix?", check out our other guides:

• Surviving Without Movies
• Finding Nacho Cheese in a Post-Apocalyptic World