Prophets Announcements: Utopian Nightmare Solver Certification

Are you tired of living in a world where everything is just peachy? Do you yearn for a life of unrelenting terror and existential dread? Look no further! Our Utopian Nightmare Solver Certification program is here to help.

What is it? How to Apply

Course Outline:

Our comprehensive course will cover:

• Identifying the signs of a utopian nightmare
• Advanced techniques for maximizing existential dread
• Strategies for cultivating a healthy dose of paranoia

Our expert instructors will guide you through the process of turning your life into a never-ending cycle of anxiety and despair.

Disclaimer: Our certification program is not responsible for any emotional trauma or permanent damage caused by our methods. Side effects may include: increased heart rate, decreased appetite, and a strong desire to hide under a blanket with a tub of ice cream.

Apply Now!