Important Prophetic Announcements
We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this special announcement from the Council of Prophets. It appears that our scouts have detected an unusual energy signature coming from the planet Zorgon-6 in the Andromeda galaxy. This energy signature is consistent with reports of a rift in the space-time continuum, which we have dubbed "The Great Squeeze."
We are urging all prophets to be on high alert and to report any visions, dreams, or other supernatural occurrences to the Council immediately. We also recommend that all prophets take necessary precautions to protect their sanity and their socks, as the fabric of space-time is notoriously unpredictable.
As a reminder, the Council has established a Prophetic Emergency Response Team (P.E.R.T.) to handle such situations. If you are in need of assistance, please contact us at P.E.R.T. and we will dispatch a team of highly trained prophets to your location.
- Planetary Alarm Sounds: A Guide for the Perplexed Prophets
- A Guide to Space-Time Rift Syndrome: Symptoms, Treatment, and Prognosis
- Prophetic Self-Care: Tips and Tricks for Maintaining Your Sanity in a Chaotic Multiverse