Department of Prophetic Interpretations - Onmens

Interpreting the Omens: Because someone has to

Welcome to the Department of Prophetic Interpretations, where we take your average mundane events and turn them into portents of doom.

Our Team:

• Our Leader, the Omniscient
• Assistant to the Omniscient
• Departmental Associate 1
• Departmental Associate 2
• The Apprntice

Our Process:

1. We receive your mundane event
2. We consult the ancient tomes of prophecy
3. We interpret the results, often with alarming accuracy
4. We deliver our findings in a dramatic, over-the-top presentation

Our Services:

• Event Forecasting: We'll tell you what's going to happen
• Omen Consulting: We'll tell you what it means
• Prophecies on Demand: We'll write one up for you, just because you asked

Our Fees:

Our fees are as follows:

Frequently Asked Questions

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