DEPARTMENTAL RED TAPE CATALOG

Welcome to the most prestigious, most revered, and most utterly useless catalog for prophets in the land.

Here is where you can find the most esoteric, exotic, and downright bizarre red tapes for your prophetic needs:

• Prophecies of Doom - Tape for when you know something's gonna go wrong.
• Omens of Doomsday - Tape for when you know the end is near.
• Tapes of the Apocalypse - Tape for when you're just not sure what's going on.
• Eternal Tapes of Foreboding - Tape for when you're just really, really not sure.

Or, if you're feeling extra fancy, you can try our Limited Edition Silver Tape - it's got sparkles!