Cancer's Cosmic Consultations

Get ready to have your mind blown, your wallet drained, and your future rearranged!

Subscribe to receive regular blasts of prophetic wisdom, carefully crafted to make you question everything and doubt everyone, including yourself.

Cost: 50 bucks a month, plus a 20% discount for signing up for a year!

Or, if you're feeling particularly flush, you can try your luck with a Cosmic Lottery ticket for only 1000 bucks!

Don't miss out on this opportunity to be disappointed, confused, and mildly amused!

Frequently Asked Questions about our services

Disclaimer (because, let's be real, we're not responsible for your life choices)