The Prophets' Guild - Subscription Page

Welcome, seekers of truth and divination! We're glad you're here to join us.

We offer three tiers of subscription plans:

Basic: Get access to our weekly horoscopes and a free "I'm with stupid" t-shirt
Premium: Get access to our weekly horoscopes, a free t-shirt, and a personalized reading from our top prophets
Elite: Get access to everything, plus a complimentary colonic irrigation treatment from our in-house hydrologist

Or, if you're feeling extra generous, Donate to the Prophets' Guild