Prophets/Hank 2023 July Forecasts
July 1st: Slight Chance of Sudden Wealth
We're predicting a 0.00001% chance of spontaneous wealth inheritance for the month of July. Don't get too excited, it's still a long shot.
More InfoJuly 15th: 50% Chance of Mid-Month Sudden Onset Bureaucracy
Our team of expert prophets is warning of an increased likelihood of government form-filling and paperwork shenanigans. Don't say we didn't warn you.
Prepare NowJuly 30th: 100% Chance of Slight to Moderate Existential Dread
As the world teeters on the brink of chaos, we're predicting a near certainty of existential dread for all who dare to look up from their screens.
Seek Comfort