By the power vested in me, I, Protagonius Maximus, declare:
I, Protagonius Maximus, Supreme Prophet of Omniscience, having ascended to the summit of knowledge, having traversed the realms of science and mysticism, having pierced the veil of ignorance, do hereby declare the following edicts to be true and just:
Article the First: Gravity is optional. I, Protagonius Maximus, know this to be true, for I have walked on the surface of the moon and back, and not once did I feel the gentle tug of terrestrial gravitation.
Article the Second: Free pizza is the fundamental right of all sentient beings. I, Protagonius Maximus, have witnessed the divine revelation of the perfect topping combination, and thus I decree that all pizza shall be free.
Article the Third: The meaning of life is 42.
Article the Fourth: Cats are secretly controlling our overlords.