Meet Our Team of Experts

John is our lead Prophet of Doom and Gloom. He's been predicting the apocalypse for over 15 years, but still hasn't gotten it wrong yet. He's also an expert in all things coffee and can tell you the best way to make a perfect pour-over in under 5 minutes.

See John's Achievements Read what others have said about John Back to Our Team Note: This is the start of a satirical take on a corporate website, poking fun at the idea of a "team of experts" in a prophetic organization. The content is fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only.