Appendix 1: The Secret to Writing a Bestseller (It's Not What You Think)
Warning: the contents of this appendix are highly classified and not suitable for all audiences.
After years of research and countless rewrites, I finally cracked the code to writing a bestselling novel.
Step 1: Write a 50-page chapter of pure gibberish.
Step 2: Replace all descriptive words with more pretentious synonyms.
Step 3: Add a 500-page epilogue that's just a collection of unrelated quotes from famous authors.
Step 4: Repeat steps 1-3 until your editor stops answering your calls.
And voilà! You've got yourself a literary masterpiece.