Appellate Procedure: The Unofficial Guide to Getting Away with Crime
Chapter 1: The Art of Delaying Justice
Step 1: File a motion to dismiss on a technicality. Claim your lawyer's cat is allergic to court dates.
Step 2: Appeal to the higher court on the grounds that you're not really sure what you did, but your lawyer said it was okay.
Step 3: Challenge the constitutionality of the law. Argue that it's too long to read, and therefore, it's not a real law.
Chapter 2: The Science of Bureaucratic Red Tape
Fill out Form 27-B: Request for Continuance. Make sure to use a pen with a broken nib, as the ink will bleed onto the surrounding paperwork, creating an aura of mystery.
Step 2: Submit your request for continuance to the court's "In-Box." Wait 6-12 months for a response, then declare the court's inaction as "unreasonable delay" and appeal to the higher court.
Step 3: File an affidavit claiming the court's clerk is your long-lost cousin, and therefore, the court has a "conflict of interest."
Epilogue: The Secret to Success (or Failure)
It's all about the art of the deal, baby! The key to success in the appellate procedure is to find the right combination of delay, deception, and bureaucratic jargon to keep the system bogged down.