Because who needs actual facts when you can have absurd, made-up information?
Here are the 9 planets in the Punishment Edition of the Dwarf Planet Registry:
A dwarf planet so cold, it'll freeze your feelings.
This one's so awkward, you'll feel like a teenager at a middle school dance.
Nyx is like the weird cousin that shows up to family gatherings, but you're not really sure why.
Akai's like the one that got away, but not really.
Akron's the one that's always making up excuses, but you're starting to suspect it's not that smart.
Akronia's like the aunt that won't stop talking, but you're secretly kinda interested.
Salacia's the one that's always drama-llama, but you're not really sure why.
Selene's the one that's always talking to the mirror, but you're not sure if it's really listening.
Valin's the one that's always valuing appearances, but not really.
Don't @ me, science.