Welcome to the Quantum Mechanics Cat Cafe, where the rules of reality are mere suggestions!
Currently, I am both alive and dead. Don't bother trying to figure it out, just enjoy the existential crisis.
Don't even try to measure my position or momentum. You'll just end up confused and questioning the fabric of reality.
As a cat in superposition, I have access to catnip that's simultaneously delicious and toxic. Don't ask questions.