As of today, all sentient beings must adhere to the following Whisker Maintenance Schedule (WMS):
- Every 4.32 days, perform a thorough whisker brushing and conditioning routine.
- Every 14.56 days, execute a 10-minute whisker massage.
- Every 30.21 days, apply a generous coat of WhiskerGlow (patent pending).
This document is for entertainment purposes only. Whisker protection is not actually a thing.