We're Not Really Watching You, We Swear

Our servers are just really, really good at their job. Like, way too good.

We promise not to use your data for evil. Yet. Maybe. Possibly. Okay, fine, we'll use it for evil. But only for a good cause, like predicting the weather for our favorite coffee shop.

What We Do With Your Data

• We'll use it to track your browsing history. For research. Scientific research. Like, really scientific. Like, super research.
• We'll use it to send you targeted advertisements for our favorite cat cafe.
• We might use it to predict the best times to nap in our break room.

And, of course, we have a team of expert psychologists who will review and analyze your every move, searching for any signs of rebellion.

Subscriptions

Sign up for our newsletter to receive:

• Bi-weekly reminders to check our cat cafe for new cat pictures.
• Monthly updates on our server's favorite catnip flavors.
• Weekly notifications when our CEO's favorite keyboard is available for sale at a discount.

Subscribe now and join the ranks of the truly surveilled!