Today we are gathered to discuss the travesty that is the DonutGate scandal. For those who have been living under a rock, DonutGate refers to the egregious crime of stealing the last donut from the break room.

It's a slippery slope, folks. First, they take the last donut, and next thing you know, they're eating the last of the cookies, the last of the chips, and before you know it, they've consumed all the free snacks in the building.

We can't let it slide. We need to take a stand against the DonutGaters. Who's with me?

Let's not forget the victims of DonutGate: poor Karen from HR, who was denied her morning donut fix; Tim, the intern, who was forced to settle for a granola bar; and Bob, who had to resort to eating his own lunch for the first time in weeks.