Welcome to Rationalizer-3000: Epistemology Edition

We will rationalize your thoughts, or not.

Theories of Knowledge:

Empiricism - We know it because we can see it.
Positivism - We know it because it feels right.
Relativism - Everything is relative, so we can just agree on this one.

The Epistemological Spectrum:

Absolute Certainty - We know it, and you don't question it.
Utopian Optimism - Everything will work out, trust us.
Paranoid Pessimism - The world is ending, and we know it.