The Red Velvet Cake is not just a cake, it's a statement. A statement about the futility of life, the meaninglessness of existence, and the importance of wearing matching velvet suit and tie to a funeral.
Or, you know, it's just a really pretty cake.
It's made with the finest ingredients, including 100% pure, grade-A, non-organic, non-GMO, non-locally-sourced red food coloring, and the soft, plush pile of a 1960s era velvet fabric.
Want to see more of our cake's impressive collection of velvet-inspired accessories?
Check out our Velvet Jackets or Velvet Scarves or maybe even Velvet Hats!