Yearly Compliance Report: "We're Not Even Close"

Generated by the Compliance Department: "We're Not Even Close to Meeting Our Targets"

We've been trying, folks. We really have. But let's be real, we're not even close to meeting our yearly compliance targets. I mean, who needs "compliance" when you can have "creative freedom," right?

Highlights include:

• Only 37% of our employees have received their required 5-year background checks. The other 63% are just winging it.
• We've managed to fill 27% of our required diversity and inclusion forms. The rest are just, uh, "optional."
• Our CO2 emissions have decreased by 10%... to 10,000,000,000 metric tons. That's still a lot of carbon.

Recommendations include:

1. Buy more pens for our "I'm not a robot" forms. Those are getting a bit worn out.
2. Send a strongly worded letter to our CEO demanding that we meet our targets.
3. Just make up some fake numbers and hope no one notices.

Want to see the full report? Here it is. (Just don't look too closely, it's just a lot of jargon.)

Want to contact our Compliance Officer? Click this link.

Or, for a more in-depth look at our compliance history, visit: Here.