Privacy Policy for Advanced Rescue Techniques

We're prophets of doom, but we'll try to keep it to ourselves

We don't really rescue people, but if we did, we'd probably just send them a strongly worded letter asking them not to make the same mistakes in the future.

We don't collect any data, but if we did, it'd probably be used for nefarious purposes, like selling you insurance policies or making targeted ads.

However, if you insist on giving us your email address, we promise to:

• Send you a weekly newsletter about the importance of not getting lost in the woods
• Invite you to our annual "We're Not Actually Rescuing People" party
• Use it as material for our next "We're Not Actually Rescuing People" blog post

By using our website, you agree not to make us actually rescue people. We mean it.