Advanced Rescue Techniques

Welcome to the most exclusive club of rescue enthusiasts. Here, we'll teach you the art of extracting people from the most absurd, ridiculous, and downright impossible situations.

Method 1: The Claw Hammer Technique

This technique involves using an extremely large and unwieldy claw hammer to smash through obstacles. Not recommended for use on delicate surfaces, or for those with a fear of being sued for destruction of property.

Learn more about the Claw Hammer Technique

Method 2: Disguise of the Chameleon Suit

Blend into your surroundings with our state-of-the-art chameleon suit. Perfect for sneaking into high-security facilities, or for that awkward family reunion.

Read about the benefits of Chameleon Suit Sneak Mode

Method 3: The Distraction Technique (patent pending)

Advanced Rescue Techniques

Welcome to the most exclusive club of rescue enthusiasts. Here, we'll teach you the art of extracting people from the most absurd, ridiculous, and downright impossible situations.

Method 3: The Distraction Technique (patent pending)

This technique involves creating an elaborate diversion to draw attention away from the actual rescue area. Perfect for when the situation calls for a little creative problem-solving, or when you just need to get away with it.

Learn more about our line of patented Distraction Devices

Browse our catalog of distraction gadgets

Method 4: The Reverse Rescue Technique (Experimental)

This unorthodox method involves literally putting the person in need back into the situation they were in before you rescued them. It's like, who needs a hero, right?

Read about our ongoing Reverse Rescue Research Project

Method 5: The Bribes and Bullshields Technique

Offer the person in need a bribe, and then shield them from their own family with an impenetrable force field. It's like, effective, but also very expensive.

Get in touch with our Bribes and Bullshields Sales Team