Important Notice: Don't Panic

We have detected a 99.9% chance of impending doom. Please take necessary precautions, including but not limited to:

  1. Securing all loose items, including but not limited to, your cat.
  2. Moving all breakable objects, including but not limited to, your favorite mug.
  3. Stockpiling snacks, including but not limited to, emergency granola bars.

We will provide updates on the situation as more information becomes available. Stay tuned!

For more information, visit:

Or, if you're feeling particularly prepared, you can try to contact our team of experts at /resources/bulletins/announcements/contact for more information.