Welcome to the Risk Audit, where we assess the likelihood of your existence being threatened by existential dread.

Please select your risk level:

High Risk | Medium Risk | Low Risk

Note: Our risk assessment tool is not responsible for actual risk, only for the risk of feeling risk.

You're taking a risk just by existing, congratulations!

Please, for the love of all that is sane, do not take this as actual advice.

You're taking a risk, but it's not like you're going to die or anything.

We cannot stress this enough: please, for the love of all that is sane, do not actually take unnecessary risks.

Congratulations, you're basically invincible. Go ahead, take a risk, we dare you.

Thrill Seeking | Boredom

Please, for the love of all that is sane, actually take some risks. The world needs more excitement.

Choose your risk profile:

Risk Taker | Risk Advisor | Risk Avoider

Note: Please, for the love of all that is sane, do not take actual advice.

You're a risk taker, congratulations!

Thrill Seeking | Reckless

We can't help you, you're beyond help.

You're a risk avoider. Good job.

Cautious | Paranoid

We're not judging you, we're just here to provide a risk-free zone.

You're a risk advisor. Good for you.

Please, for the love of all that is sane, do not actually advise us.

Choose your strategy:

Diversification | Hedging Insurance

Please, for the love of all that is sane, do not actually implement these strategies.

Spread your risk around, like a good little risk-spreader.

Don't do this, you'll just end up with a headache.

Hedge your bets, like a good little hedge.

Derivatives Commodities

Please, for the love of all that is sane, do not actually hedge.

Insure your risk, like a good little insurer.

Don't actually do this, it's just a bad idea.