TERMINATION PACKET

You're Done.

Effective immediately: you are no longer with us. Your services to our company were satisfactory, but your attitude has been less than ideal.

Last Day of Work:

Friday. Because, let's face it, we can't afford to pay you through the weekend.

Report to the break room at 4PM to collect your "I'm With Stupid" mug.

Read the last days guide for more information.

Reasons for Termination:

  • Excessive use of the phrase "That's not my job."
  • Unsolicited opinions on the company's lunch options.
  • Excessively high coffee-to-beans ratio.
  • Visible disdain for our company logo.
  • Reckless disregard for proper stapler usage.

We'll Miss You!

We'll miss your lack of enthusiasm, your constant complaints, and your impressive collection of novelty tie clips.