Advanced Panic Button Techniques: 2. Pretend You're a Robot

Step 2: Pretend You're a Robot. This is the most advanced panic button technique of all. It's not just a button, it's an identity crisis.

When faced with a situation that requires panic, simply pretend you're a robot. Repeat the following phrases to yourself: "I am a robot, I am a robot, I have no feelings, I am a robot."

As you continue to repeat, your body will begin to stiffen, your eyes will turn into glowing red dots, and your voice will become a robotic drone. You will be able to calmly and rationally assess the situation, and respond with calculated efficiency.