Calm Down Techniques

You've reached the advanced panic button techniques page, where we'll teach you how to signal for help without actually needing help.

Warning: Do not attempt to actually use these techniques unless you're in a life-or-death situation.

Secret Signal Sequences

• Sequence 1: Hold your phone up like a makeshift megaphone and scream "I'M GOING TO DIE!"
• Sequence 2: Stomp your feet and shout "HELP, I'M A PRISONER OF MY OWN ANXIETY!"
• Sequence 3: Write "HELP ME" in bold, all-caps letters on your favorite mirror using a dry-erase marker
• Sequence 4: Call your emergency contact and whisper "I'm fine, I just need to get out of this meeting"
• Sequence 5: Send a carrier pigeon to the nearest crisis counselor

Calm Down Techniques

When all else fails, try these advanced techniques to calm down:

1. Hold your breath for 10 seconds, then exhale slowly while thinking "I'm a functioning member of society"

2. Listen to soothing sounds from the Sound Therapy section

3. Count the number of pixels on your computer screen while repeating the phrase "I will not panic"

Deep Breathing Exercises for the truly desperate

Or, just press this Panic Button and let the experts handle it