Panic Button Support

Emergency Contact Info

Call 1-800-HELP-NOW to reach out to our team of highly trained professionals who are not actually trained at all.

Or, if you're feeling extra fancy, send us a carrier pigeon with your concerns. We'll get back to you in 3-5 business days.

Self-Help Resources

We've compiled a list of self-help resources to get you through the tough times:

• The 3-Step Method to Not Panicking
• Phone Support (Not Actually Support)
• Email Support (Not Actually Support)

Disclaimer

We're not actually responsible for your safety, but we'll try our best not to laugh at your plight. Don't say we didn't warn you.