Where Dreams Go to Die
**WARNING:** This is not a real maintenance schedule. Please do not attempt to use this in real life. We are not responsible for any emotional trauma caused by our intentionally outdated procedures.
Our team of highly trained professionals will be performing routine maintenance on the panic button this week. Please do not attempt to use the button during this time. Your safety is not our top priority.
We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause and recommend you take a few deep breaths and try to remember the good times before the button was disconnected.
Next Scheduled Maintenance: prophets of doom, 3/15/2024, prophets of doom, 5/15/2024